Last Post of 2005
Well, 2005 is basically over now.
And boy am I glad.
This year has been a year of walls. Walls I can't seem to get through or past. Not to say there hasn't been some joy and good for me. I've lost a lot of weight and gotten healthier, I've made it through with no major losses, I've got a family that loves me, been on some great vacations, still have a job. So you know, not a bad year in the whole scheme of things.
But for some reason - every major thing I wanted to accomplish in 2005 did not happen. Didn't sell my house. Didn't move into the new house. Didn't get a better job. Didn't make more money. Didn't find the great love of my life, don't have a better plan for my future, didn't read all those books I wanted to, didn't write like I wanted to.
Heck, even with my weight loss, which has been significant, I missed my goal for the year by 2 pounds. So, 2 pounds doesn't seem like a lot, especially when one has lost over 80 pounds in a year (114 overall). But see, I've been 2 pounds away from a symbolic place for the last two months. And no matter what I do, I can't get to that point. Even if I make it to that point, I still have a lot of weight to go, but dammit - that achievement, like all the others I aspired to this year, remained just out of my reach. Like it was taunting me or something.
Sure, I've had opportunities arise, but they've never completely come through for me. The new house that I was supposed to move into back in March or April was delayed time and again, first by illness (the builders), then by some zoning issues, then by rain which prevented a foundation from being laid. I'll be lucky if I get in by the end of this coming February - and that relies a lot on selling my current house and still being able to get the loan approved after taking my second pay cut in a year. I've had half the population of Atlanta tour my home, but every offer has been way too low - again, as if I'm being taunted. I've had 4 interviews (2 of which I was told I was the 2nd choice, but to feel good as 80+ people had applied and at least I made it that far.) Even had an interesting blip on the romance front, but it is looking more and more like he is a total flake. And that he even made it into the realm of consideration makes me feel like I'm starting to let myself think about just settling for a person, as opposed to finding "the one."
My aunt was an astrologer, and she would have had a great explanation for all of this... this.. I don't know, waiting? Not quite making it? Close but no cigar place I seem to find myself. Damn I miss her. So, without her guidance, without a clear view, I need to figure out on my own, just what this all meant, what it taught me, and how I'm gonna break through it all.
Wish me luck.
And boy am I glad.
This year has been a year of walls. Walls I can't seem to get through or past. Not to say there hasn't been some joy and good for me. I've lost a lot of weight and gotten healthier, I've made it through with no major losses, I've got a family that loves me, been on some great vacations, still have a job. So you know, not a bad year in the whole scheme of things.
But for some reason - every major thing I wanted to accomplish in 2005 did not happen. Didn't sell my house. Didn't move into the new house. Didn't get a better job. Didn't make more money. Didn't find the great love of my life, don't have a better plan for my future, didn't read all those books I wanted to, didn't write like I wanted to.
Heck, even with my weight loss, which has been significant, I missed my goal for the year by 2 pounds. So, 2 pounds doesn't seem like a lot, especially when one has lost over 80 pounds in a year (114 overall). But see, I've been 2 pounds away from a symbolic place for the last two months. And no matter what I do, I can't get to that point. Even if I make it to that point, I still have a lot of weight to go, but dammit - that achievement, like all the others I aspired to this year, remained just out of my reach. Like it was taunting me or something.
Sure, I've had opportunities arise, but they've never completely come through for me. The new house that I was supposed to move into back in March or April was delayed time and again, first by illness (the builders), then by some zoning issues, then by rain which prevented a foundation from being laid. I'll be lucky if I get in by the end of this coming February - and that relies a lot on selling my current house and still being able to get the loan approved after taking my second pay cut in a year. I've had half the population of Atlanta tour my home, but every offer has been way too low - again, as if I'm being taunted. I've had 4 interviews (2 of which I was told I was the 2nd choice, but to feel good as 80+ people had applied and at least I made it that far.) Even had an interesting blip on the romance front, but it is looking more and more like he is a total flake. And that he even made it into the realm of consideration makes me feel like I'm starting to let myself think about just settling for a person, as opposed to finding "the one."
My aunt was an astrologer, and she would have had a great explanation for all of this... this.. I don't know, waiting? Not quite making it? Close but no cigar place I seem to find myself. Damn I miss her. So, without her guidance, without a clear view, I need to figure out on my own, just what this all meant, what it taught me, and how I'm gonna break through it all.
Wish me luck.
posted by Joni @ 7:00 PM
4 Comments:
At 5:53 AM, January 01, 2006,
Bonnie said…
Charlsie would've said that there is a reason your goals are being delayed. That you are going to be better-suited for meeting those goals later. That you would not feel satisfied in seeing any of those goals "met" if you weren't yet in your "right place," personally. So, your delays are a gift. They're a series of gifts. They're revealing that you're circling the runway until the landing is right.
Why would you want to hit the runway before your landing gear is down all the way?
That's what Charlsie would say.
Love you.
At 2:06 PM, January 02, 2006,
Leemer said…
I actually typed a great comment last night. It was both thought-provoking and funny. But I somehow effed up trying to switch the name it would be posted under and I lost the whole thing.
So, I just think that... yeah.
Sorry if that sounds like a tease... Happy New Year, E-News!
At 6:28 AM, January 03, 2006,
Ali said…
Charlsie sounded like an amazing woman. You and Bonnie both are incredibly blessed to have had her in your life
xoxoxo
At 11:51 PM, January 03, 2006,
Tony McCarthy said…
So in other words 2006 is bound to be the shit? We need some even number year good fortune. Certainly 2+0+0+6=8 is a good number. Ate has to be good. It is something you do, can have done to you (in a good way) or let it be the number 8.
2005 went by, like most of the others, very fast. Ian is a couple of years from college. I'm closing in on 10 years in the same profession. And some of my hairs are going white...all over. Who said God doesn't have a sense of humor? Becaused who in the hell needs white body hair. I know, Albinos do, but you don't have to state the obvious.
Have a great 2k6 and many, many more.
Post a Comment
<< Home