What WOULD Joni Do?

Random thoughts and other ramblings

Monday, December 12, 2005

Where's an armed Air Marshall when you need one?

I flew out of LAX late last evening. Having been - I don't know - not in a coma for the last 10 years, I am aware that a lot of people travel out of LAX, so I plan to arrive a little before 10:00 for a 11:30 departure, allowing myself what should be sufficient time to get checked in, clear security, and walk to the gate. Additionally, my cousin-in-law, also not being in a coma for the last 10 years and having lived in LA for several years, is aware that there is a lot of traffic in LA. Hell, I don't even live in LA and I know they have a lot of traffic. Basically, if you've watched TV or movies or read a newspaper or magazine or something in the last several years, you probably have an inkling of that, as well as there being potential long lines at security in busy airports. So, between the two of us being able to think and rationalize like grown ups, I make it to the airport about 9:30.

After quickly checking in at the kiosk, I went to get in line for the security check. It is approximately 9:40. The security line was incredibly long, as expected. The airline staff are trying to get the line routed out the door and down the front curb so as not to block the check-in counters and kiosks. So, as they do this, the woman behind me starts screeching, "I have a 10:45 flight, I need to get to the front of the line!" The first agent smiles and advises that the line is moving pretty quickly and she should be fine, but that they will be going down the line and calling people who have the next flight. (By the way, the lady is pushing one of those airport baggage carts you rent for like a quarter with her one bag perched on top. The bag is a small roller bag - you know, the kind with wheels that rolls all by itself. Just like that cart does, only for free? Just so you know the mental giant I am dealing with here.)

A few minutes later, another agent comes down and calls out, "Is there anyone trying to catch the 10:00 flight to Cincinnati?" to which Screechy shouts, "I have a flight at 10:45." Agent smiles and says, "No, only looking for 10:00 right now, but you should be fine, don't worry." A few people are pulled and ushered to the front, and the line moves forward a little.

About 5 minutes later, agent comes looking for anyone needing to make the 10:15 flight to Honolulu. Screechy again with the , "I have a 10:45 flight." This scene is repeated when they call for the passengers for the 10:20 flight to New York and she again says, "I have a 10:45 flight!" OK, what part of this don't you get, lady? They call a time. You are not that time. Just shut up until they call your time.

She then starts bitching that if she misses this flight, someone will pay. The guy behind her, trying to get her to settle down a bit, engages her in a little conversation and mentions that she should be fine and how it stresses him out too when he is late getting to the airport. She then snipes at him that it wasn't her fault she was late, there was traffic. In LA. Can you imagine?? So, he goes, "Oh, is it your first time visiting here?" and she looks at him like he is the crazy one and goes "NO! I LIVE HERE!" Where here? In a box with no electricity in the middle of Illiterate City??

Within a few more minutes we get to the head of the line, have our boarding passes and ID's checked, and go up the escalator to the main queues. Screechy somehow gets ahead of me and as she clears security, she takes the time to complain to the agent about how long this has taken and that she will be writing a letter if they have caused her to miss her flight. It is now about 10:00, so she has plenty of time to make it the 100 yards to her gate

Since I have some time to kill, I stop at the restroom, make a phone call, and browse through the I Love LA shop on the way to the gate. About 10:20, I stop for some coffee and who do I see, sitting there at the coffee shop sipping her $5 coffee, yapping on her cellphone and acting like she has all the time in the world? Since they close out flights at 15 minutes prior to departure, she had all of 5 minutes to make her flight.

I really don't know if she made it or not, but I'm sure that if she didn't, she will be writing a letter to some one.

Just as soon as she figures out how to work a pencil.


  • At 1:14 PM, December 13, 2005, Blogger Tony Mc said…


  • At 4:20 PM, December 13, 2005, Blogger Bonnie said…

    1. Careful calling your cousin-in-law a grown up. ;)

    2. Are you sure that lady drove herself to the airport? I'm thinking she had a driver to blame (plus, how could she drive a car, when she's so pitiful and all).


    4. Agree with Tony. A dog sicked on her would've been really entertaining.

    5. Love the guy in the line trying to chat her down off a ledge with logic. Of course, she lives in a world where logic isn't allowed. Clearly.

    Glad you made it home safe, cousin. Thanks for the visit!

  • At 6:03 PM, December 13, 2005, Blogger Leemer said…

    You... must... write... more... often!

  • At 6:19 AM, December 14, 2005, Blogger Ali said…

    ditto what Leemer said. Sheesh, lady

  • At 3:22 AM, December 15, 2005, Blogger Debra McCarthy said…

    Yep! Write more often!!!


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