What WOULD Joni Do?

Move along, nothing to see here...

2007-11-19T18:07:00.000-05:00

The newest incarnation of the blog has moved.

Over here.

The Joni Blog.

http://thejoniblog.blogspot.com/

Same stuff, different place.

And hopefully, a little more consistently.

Oscar? Already?

2007-02-25T18:30:00.000-05:00

In the last few years, it seems like there is just too much going on in February. We already had Valentine's Day, President's Day, Black History Month and weather that makes it too cold to leave the house. Then, they go and start dragging out the football post-season so that we have the Super Bowl in early February instead of late January. Then there is TV sweeps, where every network drama claims that each episode is an "event" and pretends that they are gonna kill off the main character, but instead wimp out and kill some minor player, like the main character's mother who was dying anyway. Then, they cut a month off the entertainment award season and we have the Academy Awards in late February. So, there is just no freaking way I can see all the movies in time to make an educated stab at my annual predictions. But that probably never stopped any member of the Academy or Media Critic, so why should it stop me?

This year, it pretty much feels like the acting awards are preordained going in. Forest and Helen for being a 'King' and Queen respectively. Jennifer and Eddie for Dreamgirls. For director, looks like it will be Scorsese finally. There is a 60% shot that a song from Dreamgirls will win best song, and I'm thinking that those Prius driving, Hollywood kooks will vote Al Gore's movie as best documentary, even though to some it seems the film might be better categorized as fiction. But then again, that didn't stop them from awarding Michael Moore the same award a few years back for a film far more fictional. For best foreign film, I don't see how Pan's Labyrinth can't win, although since it was the only foreign film entry I actually saw, I guess I'm a bit biased on that one. And finally, I'm hoping that Kevin O'Connell will win the best sound mixing award for "Apocalypto." While this may seem an obscure addition to my usually acting centered predictions, poor guy has been nominated an astounding 18 times without winning. And you just know he's probably getting really sick and tired of the Susan Lucci jokes.

But back to the acting awards. This year, all of the favorites are also my personal favorites, so it doesn't feel like there is too much to say. But that never really stopped me before, so here goes:

Best Supporting Actor -
Alan Arkin was loads of fun in Little Miss Sunshine, but I really think that Paul Dano as the mute by choice brother in the same film was the one that really deserved a nomination the most. Dijmon Hounsou seems to be consistently good in all he does, so he will probably have more chances in the future. I just love that Mark Wahlberg is nominated, and I'm so happy for him that I'm not even going to call him the name I really want to. He probably doesn't have a shot in Hell tonight, but he'll look hot on the red carpet, so I'm good with that. Hollywood loves a great comeback story, and while many are pointing to Eddie Murphy as the comeback kid, it really is Jackie Earle Haley with the sweetest comeback story of the year. A child actor that went from the Bad News Bears to relativeobscurity in Texas post puberty, his story touches the heart a little more. Cause there is a difference between coming back from leaving acting because Hollywood forgot you and had no use for you once you outgrew your cuteness, to coming back from making 40 bad movies in a row, and pickng up hooker transvestites while your wife is waiting at home with your 5 kids. I think if there is an upset tonight, this will be the one. And it would be an upset that no one would be upset about - except maybe Eddie. And seriously, I think it will be Eddie anyway. Just hope he gives us a good speech - either funny or touching - but not just a quick thank as he rushes off the stage.

Best Supporting Actress -
Adriana Barraza and Rinko Kikuchi, both nominated for Babel will likely split any vote from fans of their film. Both probably share the "honor to be nominated" spot for this year. Cate Blanchett already has one, so no one will feel bad not voting for her again. And, while cute as a button, Abigail Breslin will basically be remembered for dancing funny. If that was all it took to win an Academy Award, my college boyfriend Greg would one already. That leaves the favorite going in, Jennifer Hudson. I really hope she wins, but I do wish that everyone (and I'm talking to you, ladies of The View) would shut up with the comments about how Simon Cowell supposedly kicked her off of American Idol and how he should feel stupid about that. Cause if you all recall, Jennifer made it into the Top 12 (which Simon has control of) but she lost out when America started voting (which Simon has no control over.) Therefore, we/America are the reason she lost, and we were wrong. Deal with it, give the girl her Oscar, and lets all move on.

Best Actor -
Who would have ever thought that a former Mousketeer, the Fresh Prince, the football player from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and TV's Growing Pains' version of Cousin Oliver would all be up for an Oscar against Peter O'Toole? Or that after being denied Oscar 7 previous times and being 75, normally a gimme in Hollywood, that O'Toole would not be the favorite among this group? Still, he could pull it out, but I really thing tonight's long denied winner will be in the Directing category. I love Will Smith (I mean, who doesn't?) and I am sure he will end up with an Oscar in the years to come, but I'm not feeling that this is his year. While I hear that Ryan Gosling was really really good in his film, I can't imaging that he will slip through as the winner either. My wish for him is that he looks really hot on the red carpet, and that his girlfriend doesn't wear that awful pink streak she's been sporting lately to the event. Leonardo DeCaprio could squeak in this year based on having two great performances (although only nominated for one) this past year. But, as he is to play Teddy Roosevelt in a Scorsese film set to release in 2008, I think he will have another, better shot at Oscar with that roll and director. In fact, I'll call it here - Leo wins in 2009 for playing Teddy Roosevelt. Finally, that leaves us with Forest Whitaker. I've loved him forever. I cried when he died in the Crying Game. He moved me as a criminal in Panic Room. He scared the living crap out of me in as the stalkerish victim of hospital neglect on ER recently. I would really really love to see him win. My only wish is that he have a speech prepared this time. His loss of words at the Golden Globes was touching, but when he replayed it at the SAG awards, it was just sort of awkward. So please, Forest, take a cue from the ladies and have a list of thank yous stuffed up your sleeve with the Kleenex.

Best Actress -
Judi Dench has won before and will probably win again one day before its over. Just not this year. Meryl Streep has won before and probably will again one day too. Just not this year. Plus, they don't normally award anyone for a comedy except in supporting rolls, a fact for which Mira Sorvino, Whoopi Goldberg and Marrisa Tomei are still thanking their lucky stars. Poor Kate Winslett. She's not gonna win either. In fact, I worry that she will end up like Peter O'Toole 40 years from now, nominated over and over but not winning until she is old and gray, when she finally either receives an honorary one or wins over more deserving performances simply because she is old and we need to honor her for a career in full. I despise Penelope Cruz. Really, she bugs me to the nth degree. She will probably show up to the awards with her, uhm, friend Selma Hyack on one side, somebody else's recent ex-boyfriend or soon to be ex-husband on the other, and her hair piled up on top of her head like she's just had it done by Truvy from Steel Magnolias. Needless to say, I don't want her to win. And thankfully, even if she had a chance, there is probably no way that Helen Mirren won't win. I like her a lot. And she will probably make a great speech. Forest Whitaker, take note.

Best Picture - This is the one award that really seems up for grabs. The Departed and Letters from Iwo Jima both seem like movies that could hold up as Oscar winners in the years to come, and I think either could win. Although, it does seem unlikely that a Japanese subtitled film would win. While I haven't seen Babel, I've been told by several who have that it was a very difficult film to watch, and I think that could be its undoing in this catagory. The Queen just doesn't seem big enough of a film to win. Therefore, I'm going with Little Miss Sunshine. The scene with Olive and Dwayne after he learns he will never be a pilot - her with her head resting on his sholder, that unspoken moment between the big brother and little sister - it reminded me of my own big brother, and how much I love him. And sometimes, we should just acknowledge a film that makes us laugh a little, cry a little, and remember why we love our family.

Kitty Cat and the Jackass: How I spent my Friday

2007-02-23T23:33:00.000-05:00

I spent most of Friday at the hospital getting a bunch of tests run. I've spent the last two months with unexplained nausea, vomiting and abdominal pains. My doctor gave me some medication, but it hasn't really helped me to improve very much. Then, to make matters worse, in the last week, I began developing all the symptoms associated with kidney stones. Wheeeee!

None of it was fun, but the CT scan was the worst. Especially since I am somewhat claustrophobic and super squeamish about having an IV anyway.

Before they do the scan, you have to spend about 2 1/2 hours drinking cups of what looks like apple juice but tastes like ass. Every 45 minutes they bring it around and you have to down the whole cup. At least I was able to keep it down. The other lady in the waiting area with me kept getting sick off of it, and so she was ultimately having to drink more.

They finally came around to take me back at about 2:00 p.m. Because I had been sick the evening before and skipped dinner, I hadn't had a thing to eat over 24 hours. That, combined with the bright fluorescent lights, and probably some anxiety on my part, contributed to the mother of all dizzy spells, and as I stood up to go back to the scan room, I pretty much blacked out and hit the floor. Thankfully, the hot technician reacted pretty quickly and saved me from busting my face on the floor.

Hot Technician finally gets me to the scan room in one piece. I then get the pleasure of having an IV. I have fat arms, pale skin and very thin veins located deep in my arms, so they never seem to be able to find a good vein on the first try. The most it has ever taken is four sticks. Fortunately, they called in the lady that is the best in the building, and she got me on the first stick. Nevertheless, I still have a bruise the size of an orange on my right arm. Still, I know it could have been worse.

When they do the scan, you have to be positioned flat on your back with your arms raised straight out above your head. For some reason, when I get in that position, I have trouble breathing - its like my throat closes up and I start to choke. Then to make it worse, they strap you down across your midsection so you can't move, and then they all leave the room. Then it seems like an eternity until the machine starts chugging and the scan begins. So, there I am - tied to a table, choking, and feeling like I can't breath at all. I sort of lost it slightly, and so they decided to have me sit up until they were ready to start the scan.

Once they get started, I try to convince myself I'll be OK. As I'm being moved in and out of the tube having the initial scan done, I'm trying to keep my eyes closed, think happy thoughts, visualize positive things and assure myself it will be over in a few minutes. Then, after a few scans, another technician who apparently is unaware of my previous semi-freak out, comes in to inject the contrast dye into the IV. I ask her how much longer before it was all over, and she coldly says, "You still have a long, long way to go." As I later figure out, her idea of a long, long way to go is actually only 5 more minutes, so thanks for needlessly adding to the impending freak out sweetie.

So, the contrast is injected into the IV, and it was really weird how I could actually feel it as it went through my body - how my arm got really cold where it went in, and the cold crept up my arm towards my neck, then down into my chest and heart. And then, when it hit my heart, I suddenly got really really hot, and felt like I was wetting myself. I wasn't, it is just a side effect that they warn you about. But it still feels weird. Now, add to all this that my arm suddenly starts cramping up, my throat closes to the point where I can no longer swallow, and its like I forget how to breath through my nose. At this point, my anxiety level reaches maximum levels. We're talking full blown anxiety attack, heart racing, crying, etc. I felt like such an idiot, but I just couldn't help it. Hot Technician was really kind to me and talked me through the next few minutes as best he could. He had a great soothing voice. He probably has a future career as a phone sex operator.

When I'm finally stable enough to leave, HT walks me out past this old woman waiting to be taken in for her scan. She starts yelling at him that she didn't know why they were bringing me out to see her, that she had never seen me before in her life and she didn't want to see me now. He said, "Ma'am, she is just another patient, she's not with you," and the woman goes, "Damn right she isn't, you jackass." Then she told me that I looked like a kitty cat. And after my stupid freak out episode over something so simple, I did feel like a bit of a pussy, so I guess she was on the money with that one.

As HT and I parted ways, he said with a wickedly cute smile, "Bye kitty cat, take care of yourself. "

I bid him a "You too, jackass."

It was a cute moment.

Yeah, he's probably gay.

Resolutions - A Review

2007-01-01T16:17:00.000-05:00

So, last year's resolutions - How'd that turn out for me?

1. Lose more weight (84 pounds was the goal.) Yeah, pretty much blew that one. Although, I didn't gain any weight - I just held steady for the whole year. And really, in the last two weeks, I have had a quick burst of weight loss. I lost 6 pounds on the trip to London cause I hate their food and cause for some odd reason, 1,000 year old towers and abbeys do not have elevators - just lots and lots of steps. And lost another 4 in the two days before New Years due to some kind of stomach flu. So, 10 pounds down is a weight loss, so I'll take that as a win. I just didn't cover the point spread.

2. Travel more often. Let's see - went to Los Angeles, Dallas, Las Vegas three times, and a trip to London with my nephew. So, fewer destinations, but more trips overall - and definitely more distance covered. And every trip was a good one - so bonus points for that!

3. Still nothing to see here.

4. Get a new and improved job.Managed to do that within the first 2 weeks of the year. Earning a little more money, and learning a lot. Not sure it is the right fit for long term, but am trying to pick up all that I can so that I can leverage it into something even better.

5. Sell old house for my asking price. Move to new house.Had to come down off the asking price by a few thousand, but it all worked out perfectly. Sold the old one and then closed on the new one within a week of each other. Now, if I could just finish unpacking all those boxes.

6. Spend more time with the people I that love and that love me back. As opposed to spending more time with people I am trying to make love me. Or somesuch. I think I did a better job of this in 2006. I could still do better, but I know I've made progress.

7. Completely read at least one new book a month. Does completing a book with 100 Suduko puzzles count as completing a book? Well, even if it does, I'm still not calling a win on this one. I think I totally completed about 5 books. I have about 25 at the foot of my desk that are half read. We'll hold onto this one for 2007.

8. Become more active in my community. Not really done this, but to my credit, our Home Owner's Association Flake/President keeps cancelling all the meetings at the last minute. Not that I had always planned on attending anyway, but you know.... Yeah, blew that one.

9. Write more. I guess after 8 years of writing professionally, I needed some down time from that. Plus, I was made to rewrite the instruction manual in my new job, so that sort of ruined the 'no work writing means more personal writing' theory.

10. One life improvement/resolution to be named later. I don't think I ever named this one. So, I'll name it now. Learn to cook. I've done that this year - at least somewhat. I mean, I haven't set the smoke alarm off in like months.

I think I'm gonna call that 5 wins/3 losses/1 tie. Not a great season, but probably good enough to keep me on as coach for another year.

I'll probably come out with my game plan for 2007 in a few days. And again, I'm guessing that "Stop Procrastinating" will already be eliminated from the list by the time I get around to writing it.

First and Last

2006-11-26T15:55:00.000-05:00

The Firsts...

1. First real best friend
Bill Emeott.

2. First school
Mrs. Hendry's Kindergarten.

3. First cell phone
I have no idea what make it was, but it was big and bulky.

4. First funeral
Probably my grandfather's when I was 5. Don't remember it, but I'm sure I was there. First that I remember was his mother's funeral when I was about 10.

5. First pet
Fuzzy - an orange tabby cat that really belonged to my brother, but he shared.

6. First big trip
Before I was born to Los Angeles - Disneyland. After I was born - to somewhere in Tennessee. My Dad worked for an airline, so there were a lot of trips - big and small.

7. First fight
I'm a lover, not a fighter.

8. First celebrity crush
Either Donny Osmond or Bobby Sherman

9. First time out of the country
Germany, Austria and Switzerland when I was 20.

10. First job
Sales clerk at Rich's department store

11. First car
1963 Fire Engine Red Chevrolet Corvair

12. First myspace friend
My sister-in-law Carrina

And The Lasts...

13. Last person you hugged
My nephew Reid

14. Last car ride
Home from Circuit City yesterday.

15. Last time you cried
At work last week.

16. Last movie you watched
I can't remember. I think maybe it was Walk the Line on HBO.

17. Last food you ate
Thanksgiving leftovers - some turkey, green bean casserole and sweet potatoes.

18. Last item bought
Digital camera from Circuit City

19. Last shirt worn
A grey t-shirt that is getting way too big for me, but is just so comfy

20. Last phone call
To my Mom and Dad

21. Last text message
I don't type with my thumbs. Last one received was from Ali wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving.

22. Last thing you touched
Uhmm - that would be the keyboard as I typed this. Before the computer, probably the Tivo remote

23. Last funeral

24. Last time at the mall
A few months ago - like maybe July, when my Mom and I went to buy a new bed at the Sleep Number Store. I use to work at the mall. I hate the mall.

25. Last time you were excited for something
Currently excited about an upcoming trip to London.

26. Last person you saw
My next door neighbor Tammi out in the yard with her puppies.

27. Last thing you drank
A Diet Coke

28. Last time you were really honestly happy?
Dang - that's really sad that I can honestly not remember. I need to work on that.

Excuse me. Do these Skubbs come in Svart?

2006-08-23T23:50:00.000-05:00

How can one go to Ikea, purchase no single item more than $5.99 and still end up spending $142.73?

Organizing New Home: Step 1

2006-08-18T18:55:00.000-05:00

Gather all books on organizing your life, home, work, etc.

Throw books away.

Use empty space created to lay down and take nap.

Quandary

2006-08-06T19:32:00.000-05:00

Is the "Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" a yellow bikini with polka dots of a different color, or a bikini of a different color with yellow polka dots?

Cause that's been bugging me today.

Boxes

2006-07-29T20:32:00.000-05:00

So, I've finally moved into the new house.

Let me rephrase that. I now have a lot of my stuff in boxes stacked around my new house, and about 50 other boxes in my Mom and Dad's basement that need to be moved over here to join their boxed brethren in the new house.

While I've been here almost 3 weeks, I still feel like I'm just visiting someone else's home. Maybe its the living out of boxes and suitcases that gives me that just visiting feeling. But, I moved in right as my busy season kicked in at work and I've worked 10 and 12 hours each day for the last 14 days straight. We finally finished the main work tonight, so I will probably spend all day tomorrow catching up on my sleep. So God knows when I'll get unpacked.

Hopefully soon. I'm tired of eating fastfood and microwavable things off of paper plates and using the same three towels over and over.

Senior Year

2006-04-08T01:37:00.000-05:00

Your senior year in High School is supposed to be "the best year of your life." Let's see how much you remember:

year::: 1981

1 Who was your best friend?
Traci Miles

2 What sports did you play?
None, but I was the statistician for the baseball team.

3 What kind of car did you drive?
1963 Fire Engine Red Chevrolet Corvair

4 It's Friday night, where were you at?
At the Pizza Hut on Old National Hwy with my friends, or at the Gold Mine arcade playing Pac-Man or Asteroids.

5 Were you a party animal? Not really.

6 Were you in the "In Crowd"? Sort of, but I still had at least one good friend in most every clique or group.

7 Ever skip school? No

8 Ever smoke? No

9 Were you a nerd? Not in the "saw Star Wars 20 times" sense of the word, but I was in the Top 5% academically.

10 Did you get suspended/expelled? No

11 Can you sing the Alma Mater? If someone would give me the words.

12 Who was your favorite teacher? Coach Snyder and Mr. Johnson

13 Favorite class? Annual Staff

14. What was the name of your school? College Park High School

15 School mascot? Rams

16. Did you go to Prom? Yep, both years.

17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? I'd like to start all over again from Kindergarten and see if I could make it turn out different.

18. Last one, favorite memory of your Senior Year? Probably my late night phone calls with Wally. I can hardly remember what we talked about, but it felt deep and important at the time.

I'm so Blue

2006-04-07T23:47:00.000-05:00

BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY, seek opportunities

to genuinely connect with others, and need to

be appreciated. They do everything with

quality and are devoted and loyal friends and

employers/employees. Whatever or whomever

they commit to are their sole (and soul)

focus. They love to serve and will give

freely of themselves in order to nurture

others lives.

BLUES, however, do need to be understood. They have

distinct preferences and occasionally the

somewhat controlling (but always fair)

personality of a confident leader. Their code

of ethics is remarkably strong and they

expect others to live honest, committed lives

as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful

moments in conversation as well as

remembering special life events (i.e.,

birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are

dependable, thoughtful, nurturing, and can

also be self-righteous, a bit worry-prone,

and emotionally intense. They are like

sainted pit-bulls who never let go of

something once they are committed. When you

deal with a BLUE, be sincere, make an effort

to truly understand them, and truly

appreciate them.

What Color Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Its a Wonderful Night for Oscar.......

2006-03-05T17:30:00.000-05:00

Coming up with my Oscar picks this year has been a little tough. Not that there weren't some great, award worthy performances. Its just that I like so many of the nominees, and it makes it hard to be as snarky as I like to be. But, I will push forward and try my best. After all, my audience, all 5 of you, are depending on me.

I will say that other than my picks for Best Director and Best Movie, I know that none of my other choices probably have a chance in Hell to win tonight. In fact, when I entered my picks to win a prize on CNN.com, I did not go with the picks from my heart - I went with predictable. So I know my percentages will suck when this is over. But I still wanted to put it out there into the Universe, just to give them all a boost. So anyway, here we go:

Best Supporting Actress

Also known as the Career Kiss of Death Award, so why put that off on someone I like. Truthfully, I care nothing for Rachel Weisz, who has won all the preOscar awards of value. So, if she wins, which she probably will, and we never hear from her again, that will actually be OK for me. I never heard of Amy Adams, so I don't guess I'd miss her either. Frances McDormand already has a win, but if she won again, and then disappeared, it would be a good thing for all actresses over 40 who still have their original faces and boobs, because then they could have a chance to play the hot actresses' normal best friend/coworker/older sister roles. If we take the CKoD factor out of it, seeing Catherine Keener win would be a real treat since she has been wonderful in everything I've ever seen her in and has been overlooked for so long. And, we'd have the fun of holding our breath to see if she thanks her husband, Dermot Mulroney, or if she calls him Dylan McDermott by mistake. (It could happen!) Finally, there is my pick, Michelle Williams, playing the wife/significant other of a secretly gay man - and way more convincingly than her former Dawson's Creek costar has done this past year. You know, Catherine Keener will always have the opportunity to play these quirky, award caliber roles, while I worry that Michelle will always be Jen from DC to most and won't have that many future chances to be in this spot. She probably won't win it, but I'll have my fingers crossed for her.

Best Supporting Actor

I'm sort of rooting against William Hurt in this one. He already has an Oscar, and for some reason, he just bugs me. And while many are pointing toward Paul Giamatti as pay back for not being nominated in the last few years, he bugs as well. So, its working out to be a Battle of my Crushes. - 85's Crush Matt Dillion, 95's Crush George Clooney and 05's Crush Jake Gyllenhall. I want one of my hot boys to win, and I'm terribly torn between the three. I'd love to see Matt win just because it has been a long dry career - awards wise. And, as the only acting nominee for Crash, he could win as the representative of a larger group. And George - yeah, your politics irritate, but at least you have a good sense of humor (uhum, Sean Penn, I'm looking at you)and so I could get behind a Clooney win. But, usually, when you have the multiple nominations, that pretty much guarantees you the Screenwriting Award. But in this case, it looks like the writers for Crash really deserve that one, so maybe the acting award will be the consolation prize for a change. But my pick, even though I'm pretty sure I'll lose on this one too, is Jake. Loved him in Donnie Darko. Loved him more in this one. But even if he doesn't get it, I'm sure we'll see him back here again.

Best Actress

While not rooting against Judi Dench or Charlize Theron, I really don't want to see either of them win. They have Oscars, they don't need to be greedy. And I'm still kind of traumatized from Charlize being so orange when she won a few years back, that I don't want to have to see her on the front page of everything tomorrow, cause I might have a flashback. Keira Knightly is young, and she's British, so she'll have plenty of chances in the future. I say, wait until she is a Dame before we give her one. Reese Witherspoon is just as cute as a bunny and learned to sing and play instruments for her role. She will probably win. My only thought against her is that she didn't really have to ugly it up for the role, so that might count against her in the end. I truly hope that this will allow Felicity Huffman to slip in and win. I've loved her since Sports Night, and I've enjoyed watching her do so well in the last two years. I just hope they don't hold that Emmy against her. Cause an Emmy and an Oscar in the same year seems sort of greedy.

Best Actor

Philip Seymor Hoffman has been a fine actor and overlooked for years. He deserves to win, and probably will, but I just don't want him to. He is always brilliant, so he will always have another chance. (Yeah, I know he'll win, but I can hold on to my dream until at least 11:30 p.m. tonight) But on the odd chance he doesn't win, there were some great performances, and no one in this category has an Oscar, so I'd be happy for any of them. Although, I'd sort of be afraid of what Joaquin Phoenix would do or say if he made it to the stage. Not that he'd be obnoxious politically, but that he'd have another hallucination and think a lizard was in his ear or something. I really don't think that David Strathairn has much of a chance at all - but I'm sure it was an honor just to be nominated. I was so set to jump on the Heath Ledger train, cause he was just awesome in his role, but then I saw Terrance Howard on Oprah this week, and dang if I'm not in love. The man has the most awesome smile. If he wins, I will be doing a happy dance. But in the end, I'm sticking with Heath (and not just because I love his Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream flavor.)

Best Director

Bennett Miller. Who? Out. Steven Spielberg, enjoy the after party. Clooney gets his acting award, Paul Haggis wins for his Crash screenplay, and Ang Lee gets a well deserved directing award.

Best Picture

I have an hour to complete this post, take a shower, put on my PJs, get curled up with my blanky and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Heath Bar Crunch and start watching Isaac Mizrahi molest some people on the red carpet. Therefore, I'm cutting to the chase. Brokeback Mountain wins.

So there you have it. Good Night and Good Luck.

Time to Make a Blog Post

2006-03-03T23:06:00.000-05:00

I was going to start limiting these types of posts. But dang - I turned out to be my favorite type of donut. Who knew?

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you.
But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft.
You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily.
You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

A Million Little Reasons to Get Over It

2006-02-15T20:05:00.000-05:00

Oprah and others seem to have lost their frickin minds lately because James Frey, author of A Million Little Pieces, apparently lied, exaggerated and embellished in his memoir.

Now first off, I didn't read the book. I scanned the description, and it just didn't seem like something I would enjoy. Also friend that was reading it told me that it was awful depressing, and a few others that read it agreed. I really wasn't in a place to read something depressing, so I skipped it. But I did wonder why they all kept reading it if they thought it was so depressing and dark, and several of them basically admitted that they were really only reading it because Oprah said so. Well, if Oprah jumped off a bridge....well, yeah, nevermind, there would probably be a tsunami from all the others jumping in behind her.

Along with Oprah's scorn, several readers are now trying to sue Frey in a class action law suit. Why? Cause it was more fiction than nonfiction? How is your life impacted by that? Seriously, I could see if he wrote that crack will cure cancer and you followed his advise and got hooked on crack. But really, unless he is lying about you personally, how can your life be impacted by this? And if we all can just sue because we read a book we didn't like or felt was a waste of our time, then Mrs. Graham, my high school English teacher, needs to watch out, because I so did not enjoy reading Beowulf. Or the Mayor of Casterbridge.

Maybe it is because I spent the last eight years reading letters from people who clearly exaggerate and embellish. Or because I come from a family with some big time storytellers. I have some extended family members that exaggerate and lie so much that my grandmother once said, "You could stub your toe and by the time the story got passed around that group, you'd be paralyzed and receiving the Last Rites." (See, even I just embellished that, cause she didn't say the Last Rites part - it just usually makes people chuckle a little more when I add that to the story.) But for whatever reason, I tend to be somewhat cynical and mistrusting of people.

Therefore, when I see that a former drug addict/crackhead/alcoholic has written about his experiences, I tend to think that maybe, just maybe, he's not your most trustworthy of people to begin with. And, even if he was as honest as the day is long (what does that mean?? really??), I can't imagine that he could fully even REMEMBER every thing that happened even if he hadn't been drugged out through most of the story. I've read enough autobiographies to know that most of them probably aren't complete and pure fact. People stretch the truth, remember things differently, lie by omission (Star Jones - I'm looking at you). So, I usually go into a book like this with just a little bit of skepticism anyway. Except for maybe Mother Theresa's book. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

I frankly am a little more worried about actual newspaper reporters, news anchors and professional journalist who lie, falsify data or embellish. And when they do get caught, they either make excuses (I prewrote that story to save time, but then "X" didn't happen and that messed up my predicted version of the event) or try to act as the victim like Dan Rather and CBS News did. Where is Oprah's outrage over that?

And Yet Another..........

2006-02-13T00:31:00.000-05:00

I promise, I will really write soon. I've got at least 5 things in the edit stage. But my Virgoness will not let me post them yet. Until then - another quiz.

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times.
Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness!

Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

A Little Pre VD Quiz

2006-02-12T00:59:00.000-05:00

My baby cuz and I got the same thing. I'm thinking it was the Reese's Cup answer that did it.

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

I Did Not Know That

2006-01-28T14:28:00.000-05:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Joni!

Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of Joni!
Ideally, Joni should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into Joni!
While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Joni.
A Joniometer is used to measure Joni!
Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Joni', hated Joni and only wrote the book at her publisher's request.
Olive oil was used for washing Joni in the ancient Mediterranean world.
There are six towns named Joni in the United States!
During World War II, Americans tried to train Joni to drop bombs.
There are 336 dimples on Joni!

Strange Dream

2006-01-22T01:43:00.000-05:00

After tagging those in the last post, I dreamed that Tony posted his "4" but that he titled it "3.7" because he left the magazine question blank (which would average the total posts to roughly 3.64 - close enough). Although he didn't use the title 3.7, I'm not sure whether to be disturbed or impressed that 1. I was correct that he would have no answers for the magazine question, or B. that my math was that close in my sleep.

Hmmm. Maybe I'm more prepared for this number crunching gig than I originally thought.

Post Number 4

2006-01-21T23:47:00.000-05:00

Apparently, I've been tagged by my online friend Leemer. So, here goes.

Four jobs you've had in your life: Aside from the one I told you guys about below, I've been a sales clerk at Rich's (now Macy's) department store, an administrative assistant at the Better Business Bureau, and a check fraud analyst at SunTrust Banks.

Four movies you could watch over and over: When Harry Met Sally, Interview with the Vampire, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and A Christmas Story.

Four places you've lived: College Park, GA, Carrollton, GA, Tyrone, GA and Hapeville, GA. Although, technically, I've lived every where I've ever been.

Four TV shows you love to watch: Lost, Veronica Mars, The Soup and reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Four places you've been on vacation: New York, London, Paris, Munich.

Four websites you visit daily: AJC, D listed, Television without Pity and Amazon.com

Four of your favorite foods: Prime rib, Sweet Potato Souffle, Chicken Fettucini and Cooked Chocolate Pudding.

Four places you'd rather be: Hanging out with my niece and nephew, in Alaska (although not at this time of the year), getting a massage from Matt, or on stage at the GA Lottery offices accepting my big check.

Four albums you can't live without: Joshua Tree - U2, Revolver - The Beatles, Unplugged in New York - Nirvana, and Automatic for the People - REM.

Four magazines you read: People, Entertainment Weekly, Soap Opera Digest (my mother's copies) and Premiere. And I don't know why I get Premiere. I never subscribed to it, never paid for it, but it has been showing up in my mailbox, addressed to me, for the last 4 years.

Four cars you've owned: '73 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, '63 Chevrolet Corvair, '85 Ford Mustang, and 2003 Honda CRV.

Four people to do this meme: Tony, Steve, Rose, and Mary Sue.

Some Lessons Learned

2006-01-15T16:41:00.000-05:00

As the Second Post of 2006 will attest, I finally have a new job. Still with the same company I know and love, but with a different division, in a different building, using a different skill set. A whole new realm of possibilities. I start the 26th and I just can't wait. But more about that later.

Before I leave the old job, there are a few things I want to say. For those that do not know me or what I do, for the last eight years I have been a writer for the consumer affairs department at an airline. I responded to customer correspondence - compliments, complaints, requests for assistance. Some of it was pretty straightforward; my flight was late, my baggage was lost, the flight attendant was rude. Sometimes I could fix what was wrong, but sometimes it was just too late for anything but an apology.

I started the job with high hopes, and in many ways, I've enjoyed what I did. I worked with some people that meant the world to me. And I worked with some people that I came to despise. I did things that made me a better person. I did things that made me want to hang myself. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. blah blah blah.

I took my job very seriously because I love the company I work for and was proud to represent them. I wanted our customers to be glad they chose us and I wanted to do whatever I could, within our guidelines, to right any true wrongs that occurred. I think I did a pretty good job in that I received a ton of written compliments, thank you calls - even flowers a few times. I was even featured on company posters touting our customer service commitment. On the other hand, I've also been screamed at, cursed at, threatened and called some really awful names. Usually because I wouldn't break some rule or give way more than the situation deserved. But overall, most of the people I helped over the years have been nice, decent people who just had a bad experience.

If anything, I learned a lot from this job. And so, after 8 years of reading letters, I would like to share with you the following thoughts about some people:

Some people will complain about anything. I've seen complaints from people that didn't like the color of the paint on the walls at the airport. People wrote because they didn't like the onboard movie, or because they had seen it before. One guy wrote angry because we didn't have diet Fresca, and yet another would write every month like clockwork because we didn't serve non-alcoholic beer. There are people who are not happy with the snack choices, the magazine selection, or the flight attendant uniforms. One lady was severely put out because her flight from New York to Seattle didn't fly over the Grand Canyon, cause dammit she really wanted to see the Grand Canyon while she was out West, and she didn't care if it was 1,500 miles off the flight path.

Some people are selfish bastards. I thought I had seen it all when someone once complained about their flight making an unplanned emergency stop because someone onboard was having a heart attack (total flight delay to the final destination even with the stop was only 30 minutes.) But then, just a few weeks ago, some guy wrote to complain that his flight was delayed 15 minutes while they waited on organs being transported from a connecting flight for a transplant. Maybe he was just jealous cause someone else was getting a new heart, while he didn't have one at all.

Some people do not plan well. Let me just say, that if your sister is getting married and you are the maid of honor, you need to plan to be at the wedding more than 20 minutes before it starts. Think about getting there maybe at least a day ahead of time. That way, if your flight is say, 25 minutes late, you will not miss the whole ceremony. (And really - what kind of sister would go on with the wedding and not wait 25 damn minutes for her sister/maid of honor to make it over from the airport?) Oh, and if you live in the Northeast and you spend $5,000 on a Caribbean cruise vacation during the winter, go on and spend the extra $90 on a hotel room in Miami and get there a day early. Cause, if perchance, let's say, it, I don't know - maybe SNOWS in NEW YORK in JANUARY, and your flight is delayed 2 hours, you won't miss the boat completely. And if you really must take the flight that is scheduled to arrive at 1:00 p.m. when the ship leaves at 2:00 p.m., go on and do yourself a favor and buy the travel insurance the cruise line offers. I'm just saying.

Some people believe everything they see on fictional TV shows. You know how on Friends, Rachel decided to hop on a flight to London at the last minute to go tell Ross she loved him before he married Emily? In real life that ticket would cost her about $7,500. Cause last minute airline tickets are damn expensive. And you know how Ross and Emily were supposed to go on the honeymoon to Greece, but then he ended up asking Rachel to go in Emily's place and she just took Emily's ticket and got on the airplane? Yeah. That show was made up. You can't just use someone else's ticket. Airline tickets are nontransferable, and they check your ID when you travel. Even reality shows don't tell you the truth (imagine that.) That plane that pulled back to the gate for Joyce and Uchenna on Amazing Race 7? That ain't gonna happen in real real life. So don't be trying to tell the gate agent about how Podunk Island Airlines pulled back the plane for Joyce and Uchenna cause you should have been at the gate on time and not in the airport bar trying to pick up that flight attendant.

Some people think that airlines can control the weather. Really. People also think that they are smarter than all the meteorologist on staff with the airlines and the FAA. I love it when a flight from Dallas to Newark is held up by Air Traffic Control due to weather, and someone will write and say - I looked out the window and the weather was fine. Really? You could see all the way from Dallas to Newark out that window? Dang - you got some good eyesight. Cause I'm thinking, I've got 20/20 and if I look out the window at Dallas airport, I'm probably only gonna be seeing Dallas. Maybe Grand Prairie or Arlington if I stand on the roof.

Some people do not know how to pack.You remember the commercial with the ape beating up the luggage? Well, while maybe it isn't handled that roughly, it does get tossed around a bit. That's why they call what baggage handlers do "throwing bags." They have to move thousands of bags a day, very quickly, from conveyor belt to tram to ramp to the belly of the plane and back. So, they may get banged up a little. And under the plane, your bag is not sitting all alone, on a velvet cushion, untouched by all other bags. Those babies are stacked up high, with other people's heavy bags on top of them. So, if you think your late grandma's fine china that you just inherited will be OK if you say, wrap it up in your underwear and other dirty clothes, you are still not fully recovered from your loss of grandma. My suggestion is this - when you travel, take a small carry on and pack at least one change of clothes, any medication necessary for you to survive, any item you would be heartbroken if it was lost, stolen or broken, and your car and house keys. Do not put fragile items, cash, jewelry or a lap top with the only copy of your completed 500 page novel in your check bag. And put your name both on and in the checked bag. Most people's bags make it with no problem, but if yours doesn't, make sure there is nothing in it that you can't live without until your bag is found or a settlement is paid.

Some people have extreme separation anxiety. Otherwise seemingly rational people who apparently can be separated from their spouse at least 9 or 10 hours a day, 5 days a week while at work, can not bear to be separated by a few aisles on a two hour flight. They will write ten page letters detailing their devastation and trauma at being separated from their spouse or other family member because there were not two vacant seats together on their flights and they had to sit apart.

Some people use the word "traumatized" a little too loosely. The guy that didn't get the diet Fresca? Traumatized. A woman that had to live without her favorite jeans for two days while her bag was located? Traumatized. The lady that didn't get to fly over the Grand Canyon on the way to Seattle? You guessed it, TRAUMATIZED. Let me tell you something people, after watching the devastation of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, or a tsunami that killed over 200,000, unless someone dies, is maimed, or somehow disfigured - save traumatized. Oh, and you think you are really clever when you describe your travel experience as the "Trip from Hell?" "Trip from Hell" is the most overused phrase in the history of airline complaint letters. (Although comparing your experience trying to book free frequent flyer seats to Hawaii for travel during the high season with the David Spade Capital One commercial is a close second.)

OK - great to have that off my chest. Now, I just need to make it through the next few days, and my official career as a corporate writer will come to an end. Hopefully, since I won't have to professionally write 40+ hours a week for real, my private writing will improve. I might actually have the energy to do it more often, and to care about the details. In my new incarnation, I will be a number cruncher. So, I guess it will just be my personal number crunching that will suffer in the future. Man, I dread the next time I have to balance my checkbook. Its gonna be traumatic.

Second Post of 2006

2006-01-13T09:17:00.000-05:00

Resolution #4. Check.

First Post of 2006

2006-01-04T16:54:00.000-05:00

Well, since it is already January 4, guess I'll mark "Stop Procrastinating So Much" off the resolution list.

So, I bored you all with my complaining about last year. So, what am I gonna do to improve my lot in life this year? Hmmmm. (shut up Leemer)

1. Lose more weight. Specifically - let's say, 84 pounds. That is 7 a month. I'll try to provide monthly updates. If I do good.

2. Travel more often. Considering I work for a company that provides me with free flight benefits, I've been pretty bad about taking advantage of them over the last several years. I did do better last year, with trips to Chicago, Las Vegas, Washington, DC, Los Angeles, and a cruise that took me to Vancouver, Victoria, San Francisco, Santa Barbara and Los Angeles. This year, I'm thinking maybe I can repeat those same cities (same cruise with added stops in Astoria, Oregon and San Diego) along with trips to Savannah, Dallas and either Dublin or London. Hell, maybe even both.

3. Move along, nothing to see here.

4. Get a new and improved job. All those interviews last year have got to pay off at some point. And hopefully, they will pay off with some more cash. And if I get a new job, and I find it is not the right fit, I will do something about it quickly, instead of waiting for 8 years.

5. Sell old house for my asking price. Move to new house. Not that the selling part is too much within my control. But hopefully, by putting it out into the universe, it will happen. Sooner, rather than later, please.

6. Spend more time with the people I that love and that love me back. As opposed to spending more time with people I am trying to make love me. Or somesuch.

7. Completely read at least one new book a month. Now that may not sound like a lot. Because I love to read. But for some reason, I haven't been able to complete a book in years. I'll read bits and pieces of books, or start a novel only to never finish it. Well this year, I'm reading some of them all the way through to the very end.

8. Become more active in my community. Something I've always aspired to do, but never completely followed through on. Cause something good was always on TV or something. But, I have TiVo, so I really can't use that excuse anymore. Or for the last 3 years.

9. Write more.

10. One life improvement/resolution to be named later. Cause, I got to keep my options open. Hey, it works in baseball.

Last Post of 2005

2005-12-31T19:00:00.000-05:00

Well, 2005 is basically over now.

And boy am I glad.

This year has been a year of walls. Walls I can't seem to get through or past. Not to say there hasn't been some joy and good for me. I've lost a lot of weight and gotten healthier, I've made it through with no major losses, I've got a family that loves me, been on some great vacations, still have a job. So you know, not a bad year in the whole scheme of things.

But for some reason - every major thing I wanted to accomplish in 2005 did not happen. Didn't sell my house. Didn't move into the new house. Didn't get a better job. Didn't make more money. Didn't find the great love of my life, don't have a better plan for my future, didn't read all those books I wanted to, didn't write like I wanted to.

Heck, even with my weight loss, which has been significant, I missed my goal for the year by 2 pounds. So, 2 pounds doesn't seem like a lot, especially when one has lost over 80 pounds in a year (114 overall). But see, I've been 2 pounds away from a symbolic place for the last two months. And no matter what I do, I can't get to that point. Even if I make it to that point, I still have a lot of weight to go, but dammit - that achievement, like all the others I aspired to this year, remained just out of my reach. Like it was taunting me or something.

Sure, I've had opportunities arise, but they've never completely come through for me. The new house that I was supposed to move into back in March or April was delayed time and again, first by illness (the builders), then by some zoning issues, then by rain which prevented a foundation from being laid. I'll be lucky if I get in by the end of this coming February - and that relies a lot on selling my current house and still being able to get the loan approved after taking my second pay cut in a year. I've had half the population of Atlanta tour my home, but every offer has been way too low - again, as if I'm being taunted. I've had 4 interviews (2 of which I was told I was the 2nd choice, but to feel good as 80+ people had applied and at least I made it that far.) Even had an interesting blip on the romance front, but it is looking more and more like he is a total flake. And that he even made it into the realm of consideration makes me feel like I'm starting to let myself think about just settling for a person, as opposed to finding "the one."

My aunt was an astrologer, and she would have had a great explanation for all of this... this.. I don't know, waiting? Not quite making it? Close but no cigar place I seem to find myself. Damn I miss her. So, without her guidance, without a clear view, I need to figure out on my own, just what this all meant, what it taught me, and how I'm gonna break through it all.

Wish me luck.

I kind of like this one

2005-12-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

Now, if I only had the cash to quit my job and go back to school, and still be able to afford the lifestyle I'd like to become accustomed to.

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher.
You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

I've been bad.....

2005-12-26T10:03:00.000-05:00

very, very bad.

I woke up this morning very early, and I went to the after Christmas sales at Target and Pier 1. So, if anyone needs any Christmas wrapping paper, say, for like the next 14 years, just call me.

And so this is Christmas

2005-12-25T00:07:00.000-05:00

so Quizzes for everyone.....

Your Elf Name Is...

Floppy Sweet Cheeks

What's Your Elf Name?

Your Christmas Song Is

Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

And so this is xmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong

You would gladly give up all of your material Christmas gifts...
If it meant peace for a few more people

What Christmas Carol Are You?

You Are Socks!

Cozy and warm... but easily lost.
You make a good puppet.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

You Are a Minimal Christmas Tree

You're not a total Scrooge, but you feel no need to go overboard at Christmas.
Less is more, and your Christmas reflects refined quality.

What Christmas Tree Are You?

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Each year, you really get into the spirit of Christmas.
Which is much more important to you than nifty presents.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

and to all a good night.

Joni's Pet Peeve of the Day

2005-12-17T09:56:00.000-05:00

What is it about a For Sale sign in front of a house that makes people illiterate?

I am currently trying to sell my house so I can buy another one. A dear friend of mine is a real estate agent and he has my house listed, complete with instructions on both the listing information and the sign in the front yard that says, "Shown by Appointment Only." Apparently, some non-real estate agent people read that to mean - "OK to peak in the windows." I can not tell you the number of times I'm been sitting in my den, in some cases - not fully clothed - and I sort of feel like somebody's watching me (woo hoo - 80's song reference!) and as I turn toward the windows that are next to my front door - I see that there are idiots looking in on me. They never seem startled or embarrassed to have been caught, and they continue to look at me as I begin to sink lower and lower into my easy chair. Oddly, they always appear to be either Asian or Latino - don't know why, maybe they couldn't read the sign - but it would seem to me that in any language or culture, it would be considered rude to peep through people's windows at them while they are watching Tivo in their PJs.

While I might be willing to give some non-English reading, non-real estate professionals a break on this, the people I really want to strangle are the real estate agents that think that having a key to a lock box is their invitation to go into any house they want to, at any time they want to. Now maybe I'm spoiled, but my friend and real estate agent Scott is like the most professional agent anywhere. Scott would never just go into someone's home all willy-nilly. (There are some things Scott would do all willy-nilly, but that is for another post, another time.) Aside from being a professional, Scott wouldn't want to be shot by some homeowner that thinks they are being broken into.

But not these other idiots. I've had calls from my alarm company that my alarm is going off and they are sending the police, only to find some idiot agent has broken in while I'm at work. And then, they have the nerve to act all mad about that. Like I did something wrong. One even had the nerve to leave a message for Scott, fussing at him for what happened. When Scott reminded him that it was "By Appointment Only" this mental giant advised that he rang the door bell and no one answered, so he figured it was OK to break in so what was the big deal? Scott told him that aside from the INSTRUCTIONS telling you to make an appointment - maybe the house was not currently suitable to be shown (i.e. - house is messy, bed not made, underwear in the floor). Or, I could have been in the shower, or having sex (hahaha) or maybe even didn't feel like having company so I didn't answer. Either way, he was lucky he wasn't shot or attacked by dogs, cause you never know what you're gonna find when you break into someone's home unannounced.

So, hopefully, we'll get this baby sold before the new one is ready, and hopefully, no stupid house hunters or real estate agents will be killed or mauled in the process.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Where's an armed Air Marshall when you need one?

2005-12-12T18:48:00.000-05:00

I flew out of LAX late last evening. Having been - I don't know - not in a coma for the last 10 years, I am aware that a lot of people travel out of LAX, so I plan to arrive a little before 10:00 for a 11:30 departure, allowing myself what should be sufficient time to get checked in, clear security, and walk to the gate. Additionally, my cousin-in-law, also not being in a coma for the last 10 years and having lived in LA for several years, is aware that there is a lot of traffic in LA. Hell, I don't even live in LA and I know they have a lot of traffic. Basically, if you've watched TV or movies or read a newspaper or magazine or something in the last several years, you probably have an inkling of that, as well as there being potential long lines at security in busy airports. So, between the two of us being able to think and rationalize like grown ups, I make it to the airport about 9:30.

After quickly checking in at the kiosk, I went to get in line for the security check. It is approximately 9:40. The security line was incredibly long, as expected. The airline staff are trying to get the line routed out the door and down the front curb so as not to block the check-in counters and kiosks. So, as they do this, the woman behind me starts screeching, "I have a 10:45 flight, I need to get to the front of the line!" The first agent smiles and advises that the line is moving pretty quickly and she should be fine, but that they will be going down the line and calling people who have the next flight. (By the way, the lady is pushing one of those airport baggage carts you rent for like a quarter with her one bag perched on top. The bag is a small roller bag - you know, the kind with wheels that rolls all by itself. Just like that cart does, only for free? Just so you know the mental giant I am dealing with here.)

A few minutes later, another agent comes down and calls out, "Is there anyone trying to catch the 10:00 flight to Cincinnati?" to which Screechy shouts, "I have a flight at 10:45." Agent smiles and says, "No, only looking for 10:00 right now, but you should be fine, don't worry." A few people are pulled and ushered to the front, and the line moves forward a little.

About 5 minutes later, agent comes looking for anyone needing to make the 10:15 flight to Honolulu. Screechy again with the , "I have a 10:45 flight." This scene is repeated when they call for the passengers for the 10:20 flight to New York and she again says, "I have a 10:45 flight!" OK, what part of this don't you get, lady? They call a time. You are not that time. Just shut up until they call your time.

She then starts bitching that if she misses this flight, someone will pay. The guy behind her, trying to get her to settle down a bit, engages her in a little conversation and mentions that she should be fine and how it stresses him out too when he is late getting to the airport. She then snipes at him that it wasn't her fault she was late, there was traffic. In LA. Can you imagine?? So, he goes, "Oh, is it your first time visiting here?" and she looks at him like he is the crazy one and goes "NO! I LIVE HERE!" Where here? In a box with no electricity in the middle of Illiterate City??

Within a few more minutes we get to the head of the line, have our boarding passes and ID's checked, and go up the escalator to the main queues. Screechy somehow gets ahead of me and as she clears security, she takes the time to complain to the agent about how long this has taken and that she will be writing a letter if they have caused her to miss her flight. It is now about 10:00, so she has plenty of time to make it the 100 yards to her gate

Since I have some time to kill, I stop at the restroom, make a phone call, and browse through the I Love LA shop on the way to the gate. About 10:20, I stop for some coffee and who do I see, sitting there at the coffee shop sipping her $5 coffee, yapping on her cellphone and acting like she has all the time in the world? Since they close out flights at 15 minutes prior to departure, she had all of 5 minutes to make her flight.

I really don't know if she made it or not, but I'm sure that if she didn't, she will be writing a letter to some one.

Just as soon as she figures out how to work a pencil.

RIP JVC TV

2005-11-27T21:10:00.000-05:00

Well, I was awoken this afternoon by the sound of my TV going on and off all by itself. Chuchunk - chuchunk - chuchunk. Except like really loud, and about a million times in a row.

After using my keen diagnostic abilities (i.e. - unplug TV, wait a few minutes, plug TV back in) I determined that my poor little JVC TV was a goner.

The worst part is, I have no other TV. And I love me some TV. I knew I could not survive very long without a TV. In fact, when I called my Mom to tell her what happened, her first comment was, "Oh my God! You need to get to the TV store now before they close!"

Now, I've been dreaming about a new TV for some time. I knew my next TV was going to be at least 42 inches, flatscreened and something I could hang on the wall over the fireplace. Yeah, that was the dream. The reality is that I've just taken the second pay cut this year due to my company being in bankruptcy, I'm struggling to make ends meet and I'm buying a new home at the first of the year so I'm having to pay off all my debt to ensure I get my loan.

So, the dream was inverted and the 42 inch became at 24 inch. At $149 it was the largest TV I could afford, and truthfully, I really couldn't afford that. My only hope at this point is that my Dad will take pity and offer to pay for all or part of it as a Christmas present. He is usually really good to cover whatever thing I mysteriously have die in the 6 weeks prior to Christmas each year. Last year it was my heating system. The year before that, my tires, and the year prior to that, my dishwasher.

So, I get home with the TV. So now, all I have to figure out is how I'm going to get the carcus of the dead JVC off the TV stand, get the new one out of my car and up a flight of stairs. Enter Tony.

In the dictionary next to the word awesome is a picture of Tony (see also - fantastic, greatest, godlike, and best friend in history.) Tony came to my rescue, set up the new TV, hooked up the DVD player and TiVo, carried the old TV to the basement and all he asked for in return was the empty box that the new TV came in. I think maybe he is going to make a fort out of it.

My Mom summed it up best when she said, "I wish I had a Tony." I wish everybody did too. Just not mine. Find your own

Thanks a Million

2005-11-24T17:31:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of the holiday, I felt it was necessary to give share the things I'm thankful for, as opposed to bitching and moaning, which is what I really strive to do each Thursday. And Friday. And, well, you get the idea.

Now obviously, I am thankful for the normal things. I'm one of those weird people that actually gets along with my family (well, immediate family - parents, brother, sister-in-law, nephew, niece, an aunt, uncle and a few random cousins anyway.) I have some great friends including one that I know without a doubt would go to the mat for me and possible break the law with no questions asked if I needed him to. I have a job, a home, my health - a lot of things to be thankful for. But, instead of going with the obvious things, I'd much rather share some random things I'm thankful for. So here we go with the Top 10. Or somesuch.

1. TiVo - Those of you that have it completely understand. Those of you that don't - it's 2005. Get with the program.

2. Fake Keds Tennis Shoes from Walmart - Only $3.00 and they don't give me blisters like the real Keds do at 10 times the price. And at that price, I can buy them in bulk and never have to worry about walking in the mud.

3.

4. Old Family Recipes Passed Down Through the Generations - When my Dad's mother passed away, each granddaughter was left with a recipe. I inherited Sweet Potato Casserole. I really think this is the only reason my family still invites me to Thanksgiving lunch. Another great family recipe is my mother's banana pudding. It is one of those things that is too good for words. I hope my niece will be able to do justice to it when it is passed down to her.

5. Jersey Sheets - They keep you warm in the winter, aren't too hot in the summer and just get softer and softer each time you wash them. Too Hell with 5,000 thread count, silk or whatever is the trend this week, I can't sleep on anything else.

6. Joss Whedon - The man created my favorite TV show of all time. And a pretty good spin off from it as well. Now, I'd be really extra thankful if he'd get off his but and write that Spike movie he keeps promising.

7. BR's Rum Cake - You know how when you scratch a dog in just the right place and their leg starts thumping? That's what happens to me when I have the first bite of my friend's rum cake. Maybe it is because I can't drink alcohol, so this is the only taste I ever get. Maybe it is because he always seems to serve it fresh from the oven while it is still warm. Could even be the hard yet gooey crust. Whatever it is, I just know I want some more. Now. Please.

8. Television Without Pity - Who knew people could make a living being snarky about their favorite TV shows? Me and my friends have been doing it for free for years now. Their recaps are so much fun that I find myself reading recaps of shows I don't even watch just for an extra laugh.

9. My Long Sleeved Gray Knit Shirt - My most comfortable piece of clothing. I would wear it every day if I could. I'm almost depressed about losing so much weight because the shirt is getting seriously too big. But maybe if I lose enough weight, I can get it cut down into two separate shirts and wear it twice as much.

10. Spell Checker - Without this beautiful feature, most people would probably think I was stupid. Of course, what would really make me thankful would be a "What I really meant to type" checker. With that option, people wouldn't be left to wonder how my shorts could have long sleeves, why my family passed down our receipts, and why I sleep on jersey .... well, you get the idea.

Feeling a little weird today...

2005-11-20T15:33:00.000-05:00

But only about 40%.

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Wow -

2005-11-17T16:24:00.000-05:00

He must have made a lot of royalties off of that Thong Song.

Cisco Buys Scientific-Atlanta for $6.9 Billion

What's in a Name?

2005-11-09T19:23:00.000-05:00

Each year it keeps getting more and more difficult to remember the names of the characters on the TV shows I watch on a regular basis. It wasn't too long ago that I could tell you the full name and address of every character on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, even the recurring day players. I could tell you the name of every doctor, nurse, desk clerk and administrator on ER, as well as who they had been romantically involved with and how many times they themselves had been a patient in the ER. I knew every partner Andy Sipowitz ever had and how they died (heart disease, murdered, career suicide.) And although I can still tell you about every character on Lost and their elaborate back-story and interconnections, the names of most characters over the last season or two are just not sinking in.

I find myself saying things like "So then House was snotty to the Australian intern and the girl intern that likes him, then he told the black intern that use to be on ER that the patient du jour probably had malaria and then he had a meeting with the guy from Dead Poet's Society, his boss that was Rob Lowe's hooker on West Wing and Sela Ward." or "it was really funny when Xander was in the kitchen with the British guy and Freaks and Geeks guy and Will from Alias came in and yelled at them all.

Even my friends and coworkers seem to have the same problem. Just the other day I overheard this conversation - "So they arrested the whore doctor for being the Carver, but then the slutty detective got slashed so they had to let him go. But you just know that the replacement doctor is probably the Carver. Oh, and since the married doctor is divorced now, do we need a new name for him?"

Maybe it is because there are so many similar shows. Everything is basically a crime solving procedural or something set in a hospital. I've been watching CSI for six years and I still don't know all their names. I figure I'm OK if I can keep their cities apart. I identify the people on Commander in Chief by calling them the names of the West Wing characters with the same positions. So, President Whoever Geena Davis is playing is called lady President Bartlett and her First Husband is Mr. Abby and her press secretary is young CJ Craig and so on.

And don't even get me started with the reality shows. They doubled the team members on the Amazing Race by making it a family addition. Who can keep up with that? They've started recycling people on Survivor, so at least I'm starting to remember their names the second time around. And please, there are just way too many people trying to be an Apprentice to either Donald or Martha, and they all look the same to me. I was actually kind of glad when the Donald fired four of them at one time, cause it made it a little easier to tell the men that were left apart. (For the record, there is young guy, gay guy, black guy, short guy and annoying-rambling guy left.)

Of course, it could just be that I'm getting old and forgetful….. No, that can't be it. I'msure that I'm just as young and mentally sharp as I ever was.

Just ask my friends. You know, the sweet one, the sarcastic one, the one that lives down the street, the one at work, the real etate agent and his ex, the gay couple, the one that lives in Texas, the cousin one and the one that married my brother ole what's-his-name.

Why is my glass half empty?

2005-11-09T00:51:00.000-05:00

Instead of being pleased that I scored so well on this quiz, I'm dying because the logical intelligence part says I'm below average. What is wrong with me? (Other than that I'm below average in logical intelligence.)

Your IQ Is 135

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius

Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Since I'm too lazy to write anything....

2005-11-08T18:53:00.000-05:00

I guess I'll take a cue from a favorite blogger and post some quiz results.

Your Birthdate: September 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others.
Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy.
Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas.
Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges.

Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower

Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom

Your power color: Tangerine

Your power symbol: Ace

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Cruel and unusual

2005-10-10T18:08:00.000-05:00

I read today that Lindsay Lohan wrote a song about her crazy father and he heard it while he was in prision. If they make you listen to Lindsay Lohan music in prision, I think that's pretty harsh.

First Post

2005-10-01T21:52:00.000-05:00

Hi. All Good Titles Are Taken. Blah.

This is my first post. That is a Brat Fink Productions photo.

Uku.